Wootastic
by WorldInvent
Summary: When author Sarah Williams finds her self with a bad case of writer's block and an all too helpful Goblin King on hand all sorts of woo-ful things begin to happen.
1. Chapter 1

**I had a rather random request to write a short comedy where the word "woo" is used multiple times over. Here's the first part.**

**Huffallumps and Wozzles are references from Winnie the Pooh.**

* * *

**I **

"Woo, wooing, wooed…"

Sarah rapped her fingers against the desk in thought. Honestly she felt rather silly. What she was about was just pure nonsense. Months of writer's block had led her to attempting, what was consider, a creative endeavor to re-start her imagination. She sighed. Never before had she felt so stuck in the middle of a plot. Of course she had never attempted to write romance before.

"Woo-ful, woo-tastic, woo-derful."

The writing exercise was to pick one word and use it as many times over as possible in various ways. She had chosen the word "woo." Considering that she was using lords, ladies, castles, kings, queens, courtship, and all such related words in her story, "woo" sounded fitting. Her leading man was going to woo her leading lady. They were going to have a "woo-ful" experience. She was going to be wooed until her head spun. Sarah chuckled softly to herself and then massaged her forehead. Who knew romance could be so hard to write?

Of course it wasn't just the writing that was proving to be difficult. There was also an issue of privacy. For some odd reason the goblins were fascinated by her computer, and had managed to open, explore, and read every file she had saved on the hard drive. When her publicist suggested this romance venture, her first thought was, "Oh crap- how am I going to keep this away from the goblins?" Their child-like attitude was endearing and she really had no desire to taint them with images of adults performing acts of wooing with each other. It was hard enough with their king about to keep them from asking curious questions- "What's a wench and what do you do with it? Why does the king hang onto a riding crop when he doesn't ride? Miss Sarah what is perfume for? Why does the king wear tight pants? What else can you do on a bed?" Then there was the very awkward question: "Where do goblins come from?"

She had managed to come up with a successful password to lock the file with. For the past week they had been kept well enough away from it.

She looked at her computer screen. The small portion she had started on sounded positively cheesy.

"_I seem to loose a fair amount of control around you," he said shoving her against the wall._

_"Oh my dear Lord Philip, you'll loose a lot more than that." Her hands tugged roughly on the hem of his shirt._

Positively stupid. No one talks like that. Of course normally there isn't much talking to be had in those sorts of situations. There are just a lot of woo-antics. Was she going to have to resort to raunchy descriptions and/or bad metaphors?

"Woo-bulous!" she exclaimed in exasperation and laughed out loud.

"People," began a voice behind her. "who laugh out loud alone, are people to be concerned about."

Turning in her swivel desk chair she saw said Goblin King leaning in the doorway. This was hardly the most prudent time for him to be showing up. Every time he made an appearance she would become thoroughly distracted from whatever she was working on. Like the goblins she tended to notice that his royal highness did in fact where tight pants. He looked at her questioningly with a single eyebrow raised.

"No," she countered with a slight smile. "Such people are the best to hang out with- they know how to create free entertainment."

"By making up words? 'Woo-bulous'- sounds like a distant cousin to a Huffallump."

She seemed to seriously consider the possibility. "More likely a distant cousin to a Woozle. Woo-bulous Wozzles," she added in a murmur. Her chair swiveled side to side as she became lost in her thoughts.

Her creased his forehead. "Dear me Sarah, just what are you on today?"

"Nothing… unfortunately. I am actually suffering from an acute case of writer's block." As soon as the words were out of her mouth, he began to cross the room peering at her computer screen. Quickly she turned and minimized the window. "And just what can I do for the King of the Goblins today?" she asked meeting his amused face.

He smiled. "Actually I am here about your writing. Tell me Sarah, are my subjects a nuisance to you?"

"No," she answered honestly.

His eyes glanced at her computer. "Well they are most puzzled that you as of recently have forbidden them access to one of your stories."

"Oh." She looked away, trying to think of the right way to carefully and successfully explain her reasoning. "Trust me, I have their best interest at heart."

He folded his arms across his chest. "Something that isn't appropriate for the goblins, involves the word 'woo-bulous', and is being penned by the good, wholesome natured Sarah Williams- dare I inquire further on the matter?"

She refused to look at him.

He leaned forward. "Are you writing something… questionable? Dirty?" he then added in a low voice.

"Please! It's not porn if that's what you're hinting at."

"You're the one who suggested it was something inappropriate; I'm merely prompting for more information."

She glanced back at the computer screen. "It's a romance novel," she admitted reluctantly. "And it is not dirty… well, what I have written isn't dirty. I'm trying to prevent it from becoming dirty." Having realized how many times she had used the word "dirty" she decided to quit rambling.

"So where does 'woo-bulous' fit into all of this?"

"That was part of a writing exercise. You take a word and use it in as many crazy forms and ways as possible. It is suppose to promote thinking outside the box. Woo and fabulous: woo-bulous."

"Ah-ha! So no doubt you've had wooed, wooing, woo-ful-,"

"Woo-tastic, woo-nderful-,"

"So I suppose you could have something happen that would be woo-per then?" he offered.

"Hadn't thought of that one yet." She laughed. "Woo-per! Oh- woo-fic!"

He laughed relaxing his stance. "Is this helping at all?"

She leaned back in the chair stretching her legs out. "I'm really not sure."

"Perhaps," he began, turning to pull another chair close to the computer. "instead of suffixing the word, you should attempt to use it as both a verb and a adjective."

_She was going to be wooed until her head spun_, Sarah recalled her earlier thought. She raised her eyebrows inquisitively at him.

"For example," he said leaning on his knees. "You're leading man could say something like, 'I could woo your woo-ful body any time." He said it with a husky tone.

She evaluated how close he was. Her body shifted forward. "I could woo you all night long."

His eyes squinted ever so slightly. "Could you now?"

She leaned away. "Possibly."

He smiled, flashing his teeth. "No doubt it would high woo of my life."

The next words were out before she could rethink them, "It would be woo-tastic. I just might even woo your mind."

There was a moment of silence.

"Let me read what you've written so far," he then said.

"Whatever for?"

He sort of shrugged. "Male insight. Or we can sit here and continue having suggestive conversations."

"Woo-ive conversations."

"Take your pick."

"All right," she agreed standing up from her chair. "You can't be a harsher critic then some of your subjects."

They exchanged places. "They are required to take courses in constructive criticism. Never fear, I won't make you cry." He clicked the window open.


	2. Chapter 2

**II**

She sat in the other chair while he read. After a minute or so she got to make tea for both of them. As far as she knew Jareth, the King of the Goblins, had never read any of her stories. Of course she wasn't exactly sure what sort of book stores they had established in the Underground, or if they had any sort of internet available. So maybe he had read one of them, maybe. She shifted awkwardly from foot to foot as he read.

Any other story of hers she probably wouldn't be even the least bit anxious with him reading. Of course none of her other stories involved scantily clad women and shirtless men acting out wooing performances. And none of her other leading men had sported blonde hair, British accents, and moody, near Edward Rochester-type attitudes. _Maybe he won't notice_, she thought. _Though I do love that Rochester- attitude. Thank fripp for Charlottte Bronte! I could be wooed by a man like that…_

He sat back in the chair humming thoughtfully. First he leaned on one hand then switched to the other. His fingers twirled agitatedly at the screen, followed by a "meh." He looked at her. "It isn't right."

"What? What isn't right?" She came near putting her tea cup on the desk.

"The whole thing: dialogue, actions, the scenarios."

She shook her head taken aback.

"And this Lord Philip- you describe him well enough (quite well actually. In fact I rather like him), but in contrast to his appearance you give him dialogue that sounds like something a second rate actor would say in a cheep B-rated movie."

"O-ouch."

"Not that I'm saying it's B-rated porn, but, 'I would love to wrap her in my warm cloak of lustful need and singe her with the fire within me'?"

"It's not a final draft," she explained. "You said you wouldn't make me cry!"

He held his hands up apologetically. "I know, I know. Let's use your creative exercise on this scene."

"Alright."

He stood up from the computer. "Come here. In this particular scene you have Lord Philip attempting to coerce…what was her name again?"

"Cynthia. Lady Cynthia. He's leaning near with her backed against the wall. And he's not coercing her," she corrected. Jareth had her stand against the wall on the far side of the room.

He stood in front of her. "Ah yes, he's wooing her."

"Wooing is a very different approach."

"Oh true, true," he said putting a hand against the wall. "He isn't trying to force anything on her."

"It's not seduction," she pointed out. "It's…well, it's wooing."

"Seduction would suggest a desire to conquer, that isn't his intention though. He wants to meet her, have her join with him. He wants to woo her." He tilted his head to one side.

Sarah suddenly felt her eye lashes bat rapidly in a rather girly fashion. "And coming from a male perspective, how would Lord Philip woo her?"

"He'd use all sorts of woo-ful antics of course."

"Naturally. What sort of woo-mazing things could Lady Cynthia expect from him?" she asked a little too interested in hearing his response.

He seemed to give his answer some thought. "I don't rightly think she should expect anything from him. When one woos a woman it isn't with an ulterior motive; it is an expression of intent done with grace, nothing is being forced or coerced. Lord Philip, he would use small gestures," here he paused, reached out, and tucked hair behind her ear. "And be complimentary."

"But sincere."

"Naturally." He smiled briefly flashing his teeth. Holding her gaze, he continued, "He would tell her that she looked woo-tiful." She laughed softly. "That quite possibly an eternity of wooing her would be…pleasant."

"Pleasant?" she repeated. "That sounds rather mediocre."

"Remember he's wooing her, not seducing. Wouldn't want to say anything too over the top."

"Ah. And how would Lady Cynthia react to him?"

He tucked the hair again. "You tell me."

"I think," she said again feeling that rapid batting of her eyes. "that she is delighted to find a man so over come with such woo-ful desires for her." Here they both shifted- his hand moving to her cheek; her hand moving to his arm. _Lady Cynthia would probably be tackling him at this point_, she thought. "Yet," she quickly added. "it is all very new to her, and she would want to relish each woo-tastic moment. He wouldn't want to frighten her off, not after having performed some of his most smooth woo-tactics."

Jareth drew away slightly, studying her face. "Is she not used to men wooing her?" he asked.

"Like you said, she didn't know what to expect from him."

"Surely though she isn't afraid of him?"

"Well he is a man of great power; a king with authority."

"Not a king."

"What?"

"He's not a king. Lord Philip, he's a lord."

"Maybe I'm mentally rewriting things. What does it matter: would a king woo differently?" she asked trying to cover her blunder.

"It's your story."

She realized that they hadn't moved. He was leaning so close, leaving her basically pinned to the wall. "I think that, wooing should take place over more than just one evening."

He chuckled softly. "So he should woo and court her?"

"Don't they go hand in hand?"

His hand moved from her face. He took her hand and raised it. "I'll act with grace," he said and kissed her hand.

Sarah sighed grateful. For a moment she had thought that room was going to start spinning. _Simply woo-bulous!_


	3. Chapter 3

**III**

She kicked the small trashcan that was under the desk. Why had she shown that small portion to her agent? Now she was stuck with this stupid romance novel. Of course she honestly hadn't thought that her agent would find the story of Lord Philip and Lady Cynthia and they're amazing woo-antics compelling. Now she was stuck forcing her couple to perform back-woos, woo-saults, and hand-woos._ Ghads, stop making circus references Sarah!_

She got up from the computer. She had gotten them through their first night together woo-fully, not slut-fully. Now it was the time following their first tryst. Lying down she stretched out on the couch. This was proving to be harder then writing the initial love scene. Admittedly Sarah was not well versed in the proper protocol of the morning after, or even the ten minutes after for that matter. What does one do following the first successful woo? She grabbed a cushion, held it against her face, and screamed out her frustrations.

"Need to vent?"

She lifted the pillow. Jareth smiled down at her.

"I should never have agreed to this romance novel," she said. He regarded her. "I'm not right for the job."

"Well then stop writing it," he offered.

"Can't." She left the pillow over her face. "My agent likes it."

"Ah-ha."

"But I do not."

"Surely it's not so bad. What happened to all of the good wooing?"

"It came and went in five minutes."

He grunted and chuckled all at once. "And how does that far with Lady Cynthia?"

"I don't know."

"Stuck on the morning after are we?"

"Try the ten minutes after."

The pillowed was lifted off her face. He peered down at her, his blonde hair framing his face. Sarah realized she was smiling up at him. "So they're finished with their first successful woo performance and…you haven't a clue as to what to do next?"

"Nope. I am open to suggestions."

"Where did you leave them?"

"In bed. Lord Philip he's wanting to ensure that Lady Cynthia is…," She sort of shrugged searching for the right word.

"Comfortable? Asleep? Safe?"

"Secure," she said tossing the pillow aside. "Help me out with this. Move closer." He took a knee next to the couch. "No, no, up here next to me. There's enough room for two." He was on the couch hovering over her. "Now you be Lord Philip and I'll be Lady Cynthia."

"Sounds very appropriate. Here now watch your leg," he then said. "I don't want to knee you."

"There. Now you want me to feel secure about us. Go for it."

He hummed thoughtfully. For a moment she wondered if he was not going to help her. He rested back on his bent legs just sort of looking at her. Then he shifted leaning over her, bracing an arm against the seat cushion next to her head. "Words would be few," he said. "Naturally he knows that (now how did you put it?)... the wooing will need to continue for longer than just this one encounter. He's made love to the woman who fascinates him. There will be a surge of many emotions: sexual gratification, curiosity, a degree of drowsiness, perhaps even the desire to have her again."

Sarah felt her eyes blink slowly, near deliberately. "So, in order to reassure our Lady Cynthia, after doing the deed-,"

He interrupted. "Now don't call it that. You must think romantic thoughts in order to write romantic words. Refer to it as 'making love' or at the very least woo-antics."

"All right," she conceded. "After making love how will he reassure her?"

"With more actions." He ran a finger along her forehead and down her cheek. "They will be more subtle now, but if Lady Cynthia is as in tune with him as she claims she will notice."

"Well she definitely wants him to continue wooing her."

"Good." He smiled, bending closer. "Because he has no intentions of stopping."

She swallowed hard. "Woo-bulous."

The angle that he was leaning allowed for his shirt to fall open exposing his chest. For what reason had she pulled him on the couch? She slapped her subconscious for creating an outlet for an ulterior motive. _For the sake of the book_, she reasoned with her self.

"At this point," he continued. "it will be his main mission to ensure her satisfaction. He would hold onto her," he paused, dropped to his side and moved her against him. She now laid facing away from him, her back snuggly against his body. She felt his fingers trail over her shoulder and down her arm. "He would stroke her, gently."

That made sense. "Her: enjoying the affection. Him: enjoying her nearness."

"Exactly."

For a few moments the two of them did just that. It was pleasantly warm and very comfortable. Sarah closed her eyes and sighed in a strange contented way. "What few words would he say to her?" she ventured to ask.

"Beautiful. Divine. Gorgeous," he whispered near her ear. "The most woo-tiful woman in the world."

"Really?" she couldn't hide the dreamy quality in her tone.

His arm hugged her against him. "Really. He wants to spend the rest of his life wooing her."

"Woo for woo?"

"Yes."

"From here to woo-ternity?"

He laughed softly. "Yes. She intrigues him, fascinates him; it's never a dull moment with her." She lay still wondering just how much of what he was saying was indeed Lord Philip and not someone else. "He wonders to himself how he even got this close to her. She is such a fiery, independent woman after all. Dare he kiss her?" he asked out loud.

She cleared her throat. "I think Lady Cynthia would be hard up to resist such sentiments."

"He wants to," he said speaking in her ear. She felt his hand on her hip. "He desires her so, it maddens him at times. To lie so close to her..." He took a deep breath.

She exhaled slowly. "I think Lady Cynthia-,"

"I could care less about Lady Cynthia," he said tersely. "Stop referring to her."

_All right he has definitely stepped out of character,_ she thought. Her fingers examined the texture of the seat cushion, trying to decide what to do next. In situations such as the one she found her self in curiosity can lead to one of two things: cat killing (which she decided really did not apply) and the opportunity to experience something new. Of course weighing her options was proving to be incredibly difficult for at the same time Jareth was becoming thoroughly acquainted with the curve of her hip and the scent of her hair. "If not Lady Cynthia then who is supposed to be on the receiving end of such proclamations and professions?" she asked a tad coy.

He leaned close pressing their bodies together. "Just let me woo you," he spoke in a tone that made her heart and stomach trade places. "And you can have everything that you want."

"Everything?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Including a best selling novel?"

He went still. "Sarah!" he exclaimed harshly. "You are ruining the moment!"

"Well-!" she retorted as if the one word explained her actions. She turned her self over so she could face him. "Just whose moment am I ruining? Hhhmmm? Something tells me that Lord Philip checked out several minutes ago."

"He was never in to begin with," he muttered. Seeing her eyebrows creep up in surprise he quickly added, "You invited me onto the couch."

"I invited you to help me."

"Oh so now it is all business is it? The wooing, the woo-antics, the woo-vitations were all for nothing then?"

Admittedly it took her a moment to figure out the 'woo-vitations.' She took a deep breath, "I didn't say that. But a man should make his intentions to woo known up front."

In a blur he moved over her and held her pinned to the couch. "Have I not been bold enough with you?" he asked.

Her heart and stomach- the two organs that had already traded places- somersaulted simultaneously. "I don't rightly know. Who were you daring to kiss: me or Lady Cynthia?"

"I told you," he said craning his neck. "I don't care about Lady Cynthia."

"Well then, that leaves just one person to kiss doesn't it?"

"It would appear so."

"Well then."

"Well then indeed."

"So are you?" she asked.

"I just might."

"I'm ready either way."

"So sure of yourself?"

"Yep."

"Impressive," he replied. "Ready?"

"Now?"

"Yes."

"Go for it."

He held her face. "I think I will."

"I'm waiting."

"Shut up," he whispered and kissed her.

* * *

_And that is probably the end._

_Mission accomplished._


End file.
